I told a friend at work today that I had written some stupid shit on the internet and offended some longtime friends and probably a few family members, and he said, "See? That's what happens when you spend too much time on the internet. You start flapping your gums." And that pretty much sums it up.
And, it's a fairly accurate description of most stuff I write: oftentimes it's just "gum-flapping." By no means would I describe anything here nuanced or even carefully considered, and half the time it's written for effect. Still, I'm not surprised that my last post was too much to take for some people. I just assumed they'd know that as always, there's more to it, and me, than that.
So, some thoughts I probably should have included:
In no way is this an indictment of my upbringing in Texas, or my friends and family and their beliefs. In many ways I'm glad to have had a mostly sheltered and safe adolescence. It may have just postponed some life lessons until later, but that's okay. Sometimes fear is a powerful motivator, and it was for me: fear of having my friends think I was "bad," fear of disappointing my parents, fear of ... you name it. However, while most people's fear was based in a strong religious belief, mine was just fear of being different from the crowd. Again, not a bad thing at the time, but it ultimately marked the beginning of me figuring out how to believe differently than many people I love.
Figuring out how to do that - believe differently than people I love - is something I'm still working on. Obviously it's hard not to come across as judgmental when you begin to set yourself apart - so if I'm guilty of that, I'm sorry. Especially since the judgment of conservative doctrine is what I couldn't take anymore about what I grew up with.
What I really should have written about is that one thing I've noticed about being in a different part of the country is not that the East Coast is "liberal" while the South is "conservative," but that it seems to me more than ever that belief is mainly a product of geography. Living in Austin is different than living in Round Rock, just like living in Manhattan is different than living in Staten Island. Would we all believe the way we do if we had been born to different families who lived in different places? Sometimes I think it's just the luck of the draw.
I know better than to talk about politics and religion, especially in a blog post ripe for misunderstanding, but if you had known my father, you'd understand. There's nothing worth believing if it's not worth talking about.
Friday, February 27, 2009
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7 comments:
Oh, Emily, I have so been there before. I totally understand and identify with everything you wrote in your previous entry and I totally identify with what you're going through now. There's nothing wrong with what you said, and there's nothing wrong with believing differently from those you love. If they take offense, that's THEIR issue.
I've found that it's a very complicated thing to work through, as a woman who's no longer a Southern Baptist. There's a lot of hurt and shame there, I found, and it's hard to extricate yourself from the belief system you were brought up in.
And frankly, I'm jealous that you got to see Mary Louise Parker in an Ibsen play on Broadway!
I want you to know that it is possible to be a Bryan lifer and still change your inherited core beliefs. It isn’t about geography. It’s about being open-minded and open-hearted and having conviction. And being prepared to sit by your-damn-self at PTA meetings.
I thought you wrote an intelligent and interesting post. I'm surprised people were offended by it. Of course you were only speaking of your own experience. You never said other.
I really and truly don't think you were offensive. You could have said that all about growing up Catholic, and I still wouldn't have been offended, although I grew up that way and a lot of it applies.
I actually liked your previous post. It felt honest and open. I wouldn't probably agree with everything, but then again as you say we both lived in very different parts of the world and that surely has tinted the way we think and what we believe is right/wrong. I love this though: "There's nothing worth believing if it's not worth talking about.", especially because some times I just keep quiet to not rock the boat, and others I rock it full force without even noticing. But, ultimately we need to stand up for what we believe and talk, have discussions and even argue. It only makes life more interesting, ans us more whole.
I look forward to reading your gum-flapping about any and ALL topics. I hope you know I just had to provide a different perspective after reading it.
I knew you and I saw the world differently long before I could explain what those differences were. I suppose it was easier for me (geographically speaking) to believe the way I do about so many things growing up in Bryan America. However, you have always challenged me to really think about what I believe and that's one of the many things I love about you. I'm glad we will always agree to disagree because I cherish our discussions, our debates and most importantly, our friendship.
Now that we've cleared that up... do you want me to do a little research and see if I can find a good Sunday night service for you???
I'm a latecomer to this argument, but I'd just avoid saying "brainwashing" and "blame it on the Baptists," unless you're prepared for a bit of backlash. I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it in the stockholm syndrome way or the I hate Baptists way. Religion is just one of those things that people take seriously. Other than those little nuggets, however, I don't think there was anything truly judgmental in what you wrote. Just don't go getting all east-coast elitist on those of us who prefer Texas or we'll be obliged to shoot you with a six gun.
Having said that, it's your blog. Write whatever you want.
So, I just found your blog today, and after reading this, I just assumed that you took down the post that everyone was all up in arms about. But no!, after reading these comments, I evidently just agreed with everything you said and can't comprehend why it would offend anyone. How fun.
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