The Internet is No Joke

Almost daily, I have a moment when I think, "I really should put this (story, joke, crazy experience, celebrity sighting) on the blog!" but instead I Tweet or update Facebook or start a blog post and let it languish in the Drafts, and here we are almost two months later and I haven't told you anything! At this point I'm not sure I shouldn't just end the whole enterprise and take it offline. It mocks me daily.

I think the the internet has made the world a little too small for me not to feel a bit self-conscious about any of the nonsense I might choose to write here, and that's been a major reason I haven't kept up. Knowing exactly where, and therefore who, was reading has been a major deterrent. Paradoxical, I know, since that was what used to motivate me to write, and now it's the reason I don't want to. In fact, when I updated the Blogger template a few months ago, I decided not to put back the stats counter, because I didn't want to know who was reading.

I know, I know - what did I expect, right? It's a blog, for crying out loud, with my name on it, and for awhile I even had it on my Facebook profile. But around election time I started to realize that I didn't want half of Bryan America reading about my occasionally entertaining stories (also known as...misadventures!), my failed attempts at dating, or my irreverent comments about any number of potentially upsetting issues - nor did I want to wonder what they were thinking of me.

The final straw was a couple of months ago, when I got a Facebook message from a guy I dated briefly the summer after my freshman year of college. We had a brief, and to my thinking, casual dating relationship, although the end was a bit tough on him, and we hadn't spoken since, UNTIL I got a few FB messages from him (with the last asking why we stopped dating after five weeks - SIXTEEN YEARS AGO) and it just totally freaked me out. After that, I deleted a bunch of Facebook "friends" who I hadn't actually talked to in 15 years or more, and put all my settings on private.

Of course, the flip side of this teeny tiny internet world we're living in is that I got to apologize tonight (via Facebook chat) to a sweet boy from high school who I was a terrible snob to - oh, about 20 years ago. Sadly, neither of us had forgotten this particularly wrenching adolescent moment, and when he said hello on chat tonight and brought that teen movie moment up, I knew exactly where he was going with it. I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing that we can be in touch with people we were terrible to 20 years ago, but that's the nature of Facebook, I guess. And I guess without this blog, I couldn't have just told you that story! See, the internet IS no joke.

I guess I'm not quite ready to abandon the blog yet, if only to entertain the friends who I know are reading and getting a kick out of it. And besides, I'm pretty sure the world needs more pictures of my adorable niece!


And four generations of the exact same chin!

Fun Stuff!

Here's my friend Chef Carla Beth's latest Dessert Lounge video!

Texas Tour '09, Part II

After a trip to see friends in Fort Worth, Arlington, and Dallas, respectively, I spent Easter weekend at my mom's house in Bryan America celebrating my grandmother's 84th birthday with the rest of the fam. A couple of days later my mom and I headed to West Texas to visit her sister who was in her last week of chemo and radiation for cancer of the larnyx. (She's doing well now, and hopefully will get the all-clear soon). Highlights of the trip included ducks, among other things.

Apparently they roam the streets in Odessa, Texas.

One of our nights in Odessa my mom and I stayed with friends of my parents, and the man half of the couple usually used my guest room as his extra closet. This hat is hanging here without irony.

My mom left her glasses at home on our way to Odessa, so had to wear her prescription sunglasses the whole time. Even at bedtime.

Got to see a West Texas sunrise from the plane heading back to Austin - almost made getting up at the crack worth it.

My last weekend in Austin was a whirlwind, trying to see friends and also helping out with the baby while my sister and B.I.L. were in class/working. We went shopping for provisions for the cook-out, but Lucinda was not nearly as excited by Costco as I was.

Her shirt says, "I act like a baby." Baby clothes are RIDIC these days. How cute is this?

These babies were born on the same day! Except the baby boy snoozing on the right is a few inches taller and a couple of pounds heavier than little Lu smiling over there. I think she's flirting. How cute - they're even wearing matching socks.

My last night in town was the perfect time for a backyard cook-out on my sister and B.I.L.'s patio. It was so fun, but at one point my college roommate looked at me as many little children ran around the backyard and said, "Where did all these children come from?? The last time I saw these people, none of them had kids!" I guess they've been busy in the almost four years since I moved.

Check out the artichoke plant in the back corner. That thing is magnificent.


My sis took over sweet potato supervision.

A good time was had by all, as usual.

A friend told my sister that I seemed happier in Texas, and maybe things weren't good for me in New York? I thought about it, and realized yes, I AM happier in Texas, but only because I'm on vacation! It's SUPPOSED to be a good time. I eat, drink, hang with some of my favorite people, and pretend like that's the extent of my responsibilities. And for a few days, it is. Which is why it's vacation.
But life is good here in NYC, and getting better; the weather finally feels like spring and I'm ready for what's next. (Although what's next is kind of a scary b-day number this July, but let's not talk about that right now.)

And no matter what's going on, I can look forward to the next time I get to cuddle this sweetie. I hate to be such a cliche, but let's face it - I'm in love!

Texas Tour '09, Part 1

This puppy stole my shoe in Fort Worth, Texas.


Then I met a friend and her cute baby in Arlington, Texas for lunch but forgot to take a picture.

This guy tried to eat this apple pancake at the International House of Pancakes in Dallas, Texas...

but couldn't.

This baby likes her sling (in Austin, Texas.)

So does her dad.

Ms. Lutty is practicing, also in Austin.

Grandmother asked for a new printer for her 84th birthday. She also uses Google as a verb. She lives in Houston but her party was in Bryan (Texas or America, depending on your preference.)

My Boy Cousin made his first pecan pie! (He made it in College Station, but we ate it in Bryan.)

What's Easter lunch without ham in a Texas-shaped dish? In Bryan, Texas, of course.


And this was only the first half of the trip!

Perspective

Well, hello there! How're things? Good? Good - for me, too. I'm in the second half of the Spring '09 Texas tour, and it's been flying by. Currently I'm in Odessa, Texas with my mom, visiting my aunt while she does the last week of chemo and radiation for throat cancer. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling pretty sorry for myself in typical grad student fashion, but I think spending some time with a cancer patient has cured me of that.

This week in Texas has been so good for me - seeing old friends (and their cute babies), spending time with my fambly, and basically re-charging and getting focused again. And did I mention I have an adorable new baby niece?








I've got a few more days to squeeze in as much as I can before heading back to real life in Harlem USA. Until then, it's all about the good life, Texas style!

I Wish I Was Kidding

I didn't make my deadline. In fact, I stopped trying. I packed up my laptop, 12 journal articles and five books for another marathon session in the library the other day and stopped in to meet with my second committee member before another push at finishing the draft. That's when she told me that she wouldn't be able to read my draft for another month, til mid-May, because she has to read seven dissertations from people trying to graduate this semester. That puts me at the bottom of the list, and I can't have my proposal hearing without her reading all three chapters and giving me feedback beforehand, which now can't happen.

Once she told me that, I took all that crap I had packed for a long work session, went home, and dumped it in a pile in my office. I've been feeling sorry for myself (and eating ice cream) since.

And to make matters more confusing, I had dinner on Sunday with a friend who dropped the program two years ago for a six-figure job in a school district in Long Island. He said there's an opening for the same job he has for me next year.

Y'all. I'm already going to have to wait another semester to even do my stupid research study, and it'll be who-knows-how many semesters after that for me to actually finish writing the dissertation. Meanwhile, I have to pay for at least one class per semester while I'm working on my dissertation, so that's easily four more semesters of tuition, which ain't cheap. See where I'm headed here?

Ugh. I'm tired of working part-time, doing school work part-time, and attempting to have an actual life part-time. I seem to be getting nowhere on any front. This shit is hard.

Next time I'll tell you about the outcome of the "Why I'm Single" play-in-one-act from Friday. In case you're wondering, apparently I'm "not nice" and also, still single.

And that's no April Foolin'!

A Play in One Act, Entitled "Why I'm Single" Composed Entirely in Text Messages

Jan. 29
5:37pm
Him: You in Chelsea?
Me: Nope.
Him: How rude!

Jan. 31
11:34pm
Him: Where are you?

Mar. 21
4:01pm
Him: Watching the game?
4:25pm
Me: Thinking about it, but supposed to be working. It's at 8?
Him: Have you ever been to Daisy May's?
Me: Nope. BBQ? Better than Hill Country?
Him: Never been but I hear it's good. You still like Hill Country?
Me: Brisket and jalapeno sausage!
Him: What's your week like? My friend Knute gets to town tonight.
Me: I met him I think. My week sucks. My diss. proposal deadline is 3/31.
Him: You met him in SF. How about tonight after the game?
Good luck on the diss.
Me: Tonight would be funny, and maybe even fun. Text me when you're out if y'all are up for company.
Him: Will do. He's annoying me already and he just landed.
Me: That's what I remember about him. Have fun!
6:57pm
Him: Thanks. FYI Will probably hit daisy may's around 9:30. Will call you.
10:55pm
Me: Did y'all decide to skip dinner and go straight to drinking?

Mar. 26
12:24am
Him: Daisy May's Saturday for sure?
Me: For sure!
Him: I swear! 6pm!
Me: Can't wait!
Him: Will you show?
Me: Seems irrelevant.
2:17am
Him: What?

Mar. 27
5:58pm
Him: BBQ?
Me: I think you should seek professional help.
Him: As in at a smokehouse? I agree. I've got professional help dear. Thanks for that amazing insight. And yourself?
Me: Good, I'm glad for you. And obvs I'm in need as well if I can still be fooled into getting dressed for a Sat. 9:30pm phone call to meet up.
Him: You were on the fence. I'm working til 8. Tell me where to meet you.
Me: No excuse for bad manners, even if they're predictable. You can ring my buzzer at 9.
Otherwise we can meet up somewhere, I'm sure!
Him: I apologize for bad manners. What is your address? I'll see you at 9.
Me: 125 and bway. Text me if you show.

The Internet is Confusing

So I read this the other day when my friend Jen linked to it, and it kinda bummed me out. I mean, I hear ya, hon- I'm in the same boat. We're single because... we just are, and better to be happy with how life is now than unhappy about how it's not. Or something. But the lady doth protest too much, or some other literary allusion I can't think of, because the slight defensiveness in her tone kinda took something away from the whole "I am woman, hear me roar" vibe she had going on. So, sigh.

Then today I read this post about why some marriages fail. And now I'm feeling pretty good about myself, not being in a failing marriage. I mean, how miserable must that be? I'm doing okay for a single girl, I decide.

But then in the same post he links to this book summary about why some women don't end up getting married.

According to this post, women who are A) over 35, and B) overweight are much less likely to marry. AAAAND, now I'm not feeling so good again, since I'm about to turn 35 and these 20 extra pounds since high school ain't doing me any favors, apparently.

According to this research, my time (and attractiveness) is almost up? Crap - I forgot to find a father for my future children! And now it's too late! Although the book says the odds of me marrying improve if I find a 40+ man who's already been married, and even better if he's a single dad. Sounds sexy, don't it?

So I'm screwed either way. (And not in the way you want to be screwed, people.) I probably won't end up married, and if I did, there are several reasons why it might not work out. See? Confusing.

I think I'm just going to get a dog instead.

Lazy Sunday

The curtains in my front windows are pulled back and the blinds are up, and I'm sitting on my sofa with a clear eye-level view of the 1 elevated subway platform across the street. There's a guy facing my building instead of the track, and I think he can see me seeing him. Hi, guy. Turn around.

I wasn't allowed to do anything fun this weekend, but I'm not sure I have the work to show for all my un-fun. My roommate left for a business trip to Vegas, so basically I've spent the weekend laid out on the couch, watching television and pretending to do some work here and there. Oh, I did spend most of Friday night seething at the undergrads and their obnoxious party-goers across the hall, enough to call in a noise complaint to 311 at about 2am. I guess I'm officially an old lady, but I didn't even feel bad about it.

Saturday I needed to get outside, so I went to my favorite place in New York City, hands down:
A walk along the Hudson, down the West Side Highway bike path...

and a return trip through Riverside Park.

First flowers of spring, waiting to bloom!


It's Sunday afternoon and I've already been out twice, once to buy fruit and some salad-makings, and the second time to buy some tortilla chips, cheese and ice cream. Par for the course around here. All day I've been wearing work-out clothes but haven't managed a trip to the gym or a jog in Riverside Park. Indecision, thy name is me! Still, it's not too late to salvage the weekend, or the day, at least. I just need to finish up Ch. 3, clean up Ch. 1 and get serious/actually write Ch. 2. This could all happen at any moment. It can be done! But I've got miles to go, y'all; miles to go.

Status Update

Today is St. Patrick's Day! Also, my brother-in-law's birthday! (Happy Birthday, KellyKelKel.) Also, the day I ate the entire pint of Haagen-Dazs Extra Rich Light Mint Chip for a "snack" after work! Also, two weeks until March 31, the last day I can turn in a complete draft of my dissertation proposal (the first three chapters of my dissertation) for any hope of having the proposal hearing by the end of the semester and moving forward with my research study!!!

Lord help me. I only started A YEAR AGO so I'm totally finished, right? Making this deadline will be no problem. Right.

For the next two weeks, I'm not allowed to do anything fun. I am allowing myself to go to work and then go home or to the TC library and that's it. I need to READ and WRITE myself silly. And hope that my advisor and second committee member then read it soon enough to give me feedback so I can revise and THEN turn it around fast enough for the proposal hearing by the last class in May. No problem, right?

So, I'm not allowed to do anything fun, but I am allowed to give myself pep talks. Here's the first one I wrote to myself the other night when I was so stressed out trying to sleep that I had to get out of bed and talk myself off the metaphorical ledge.

Reading that now is kind of hilarious, honestly. I mean, am I trying to escape a burning building? Dig myself out of a collapsed mine? No, I'm trying to finish something I've had plenty of time and ability to do, and this is so typical of me, I can't stand myself. Alejandra was right when she told me not to do it, not to go back to school, but did I listen? NO. And this is what I get. And you know what? This is just my PROPOSAL. I'm not even to the part where I get to finish the damn thing. I'm already going to have to change my "Class of" status on Facebook from '10 to '11, and if I don't get going, I might as well make it 2012!

And you know what else kept me up this week (besides visions of unpaid tuition loans, that is?) These guys:
I heard some sirens and then yelling the other night sometime around 1am, and hopped up to see this scene outside my window. Stolen car? Who knows. Not sure why they need all those cars and cops standing around with one guy in the middle. Harlem USA! Very exciting, to say the least.

Not exciting: mofongo

My friend Kara thought we should be adventurous at the Latin diner around the corner last week, but it turns out smashed plaintains are not so exciting after all.

If you're lucky (and I actually get some work done), next time I'll tell you all about the current man-friend prospects I don't have time for. But be warned - they're even less exciting than the mofongo.